How?

My brother begins chemo tomorrow.  He had a port installed last week and says it hurts like hell.  I can't imagine. 

How?

How is this the way he starts his week now?  How can he be so sick, so quickly?  And how can it be so...unpromising.

Of all that I've known, faced, run from, or dodged, this is the thing that I cannot do.  And I'm just in the bleachers.  How silly, right?

But still. 

I don't know how.